Her Guitar

Its hot. Not to say I am not enjoying a little warmer weather but when did we skip spring and go straight to summer? I don't like that part at all. I have been in this house all day with the windows open and the door cracked. Daniel comes home and thinks it is sweltering in here and want to close it all off. Needless to say I reasoned with him and he is going to endure it for a few more hours until the sun goes down then it will be wonderful.  Not much going on today which is good I need days like today to just kind of catch my breath and plan my next steps.

As Kolby and I went for a walk I got to listening to my i pod and the music behind the words. Call me crazy but sometimes I like to focus just on the music and let the lyrics slide into the background. Normally I do this when I am really tired and I am on an airplane or something wanting to sleep but today I was just relaxed and walking and caught myself doing it.  As i listened to the sound of all the instruments playing together I got to thinking.  You know I haven't picked up my guitar since Addy and I played.  In fact the last time it was played, actually played, was at her funeral when her Aunt Allie picked it up. I might have picked it up once or twice to move it to vacuum or to play around but never to actually keep learning. 

Last year at the begging of the year I had big plans. I was going to learn how to play it so we could play it with the kids in our childrens church. We were making big plans all hinging on me learning to play not to mention Allie worked at the guitar store and got me a good deal on it.  Anyways as I started to learn things happened, mainly I got pregnant. I got to be pretty comfortable with the three cords I knew but came to a stand still when I couldn't play any more due to the kicking baby inside of me.  She loved that thing. She got so excited at any music but especially when I picked that guitar up.  She loved to kick at it while I strummed she loved music in general. 

So as i walked I got to thinking about it. Why hadn't I started to work at it again? I know 4 months ago it was too hard. That was the instrument that me and my daughter played together. It was the instrument my sister, her aunt, used to play a rather pop but very Addy version of Amazing Grace at her service. It held so many memories it was painful to even want to see it let alone touch it and play the strings again.  But the more I thought about my guitar the more I got the nerve to pick it up again and try once more for my baby girl.  It might not sound like a song when I play but I am playing for her. 

So every time I pick that guitar up I feel closer to my daughter. If this is another part of the healing process then bring it on.  I am ready to learn to play music you can recognize and fill this house with the sounds my daughter loved.  You know she is the lucky one.  She gets to be doing exactly what she wanted to do dancing and worshiping to the most beautiful music there is. I am so happy that she gets to know only that world because she fits in it so well. 

When I pick up my guitar it is for you Addy.  You might not think it is pretty but I know you are happy that I am moving forward with something we loved to do togehter.  Oh yeah by the way I learned 2 new chords today, now I just need to get better at them:)