Homesick Again

Well the weekend is over and it is back to the weekly grind.  Another busy weekend behind us and only one more to go before we head to California!! I am so excited and ready to be going home and spending time with family again. I can't wait. But before that we have another week to get through and then a long weekend. We have plans and will probably stay busy like always, but in time like these that is a good thing.  I was feeling extremely home sick yesterday. Not sure why.  It seems these are some of the hardest times for me.  The times right before I leave to go out there and then having to come back.  I get all ready to go and am so anxious to be there I start to miss it and all that is going on without me to get ready for us to be there. I don't know it sounds silly really to get homesick right before I go home but it seems that at these times it is really strong.

Then there is the dreaded day when we have to leave my family back home and come back to our life halfway across the country. It is just so hard.  I always imagined that the longer we did this the easier it would get.  That seems to be the opposite reaction. The longer I am away the harder it seems to leave. I just know that when I leave to get on that plane to come back life goes back to what it is.  Them out there living there life, growing and having life adventures.  Daniel and I back here doing the same but apart it is hard.  The hardest seems to be now that I don't have my baby.  I feel like I have to give it all up. I remember asking Daniel that at Christmas when we came home.  Why do I feel like I have to be separated from all that I love dearly, besides him?  It just doesn't make sense.  My family is out there, My daughter is in Heaven.  Just too much separation for my heart to handle at times. 

I know that we are here for a reason. God put us in this place to do something. Just not sure what that is. With our whole world changing on that day it is just so hard to reconfigure what it is that God wants us to be doing.  I got to thinking though, in August it will have been 9 years since I first moved out here.  9 years ago I was not wanting to go to college not wanting to do anything but get married and have kids.  9 years later I have done both but they aren't what was expected.  My marriage is the most important thing to me and these last almost 7 years have been some of the happiest times I think I could have. We have hit bumps and snag's along the road but we have always been there together to get through them. I thank God for that. I thank him for the fact that He is giving us the ability to keep it together and fight for what He has given us with each other.  Daniel truly is my best friend and I know that if I wouldn't have meet him my life would not be the same. It would not be as happy and loving as it is. I did marry my best friend and that friendship just gets deeper over the years and I know that is what God wanted us to have. I really wasn't expecting to come out here get married and stay here that wasn't my plan but it must have been Gods plan. Not sure why or what He has planed but I come to a realization that at times it might be hard but there is a reason for us to be here and if we continue to follow Him and do what He wants us to He is going to reward us for it. 

As the week starts and I start looking forward and counting down the days when we get on that plane and head to see my family I start to think about the time ahead. The things we will be doing and the time spent together and I get this antsy feeling. I just want it to be here. But I have to be patient and know that the wait is going to be worth it and we will once again be able to laugh and enjoy the time with family that we cherish so much. I am so ready for that.  I am sure tears will be shed, some healing will take place but most of all we can laugh and that is what I miss and what I look forward to the most.  Just laughing in the way I can only do with them.  I can't wait...