" When my heart breaks and everything's shaking
I'm left alone in the rain,
You won't, you won't, won't
You won't let me go
Life's insane and everything's crazy
You carry me through the pain
You won't, you won't, won't
You won't let me go..." Addison Road, Won't Let Me Go, Stories
One of new favorite songs from a band that I love, the name might have something to do with it:) I bought this new album yesterday after stumbling upon there single, Fight Another Day, a few weeks ago. This seems to bring alot of my emotions to life. This is exactly what I am feeling at this moment. Not only am I having to make the choice to fight another day and get up and battle life but I feel like life is crazy. Our life, what we planed for was shaking away from us and there have been times I felt like I am left alone to deal with it all. But what the song says He won't let me go is true I believe that and I don't believe He has let me go to this day. The only way I can get up and live life everyday is knowing that He is there to hold me and not let me go.
Its been a pretty emotional week. Not sure why. I guess just being tired trying to figure things out and just life has gotten to me. I need a break from all this. I need some time to just be me again. I feel like I have changed so much I don't even know who I am anymore. I don't know what I want out of life I am just here. I don't know what to do next were to go next I feel like I am just standing watching the world around me go on with life, while I am stuck on this chapter in my life. I know I am making progress but at times it feels like I am progressing backwards rather than forwards.
I know it is time to start living life again. Getting back to a normal state. If there ever will be one. Nothing will be normal after something like this. Every aspect of our lives have changed and I find myself struggling to find that new normal. Maybe I have found it and just need to settle into it and except it. I need to except it for what it is and not long for it to be anything more than what I have in front of me. One day it is going to be different. But until then I can hold on to the truth that He isn't going to let me go, no matter how hard or rough it gets he is going to hold on to me and not let go.
I pray the Lord gives you peace and hope friend. Today, I was driving home and I began getting flashbacks of Karoline. I bawled the whole way home. I prayed that the Lord would give my baby girl a kiss for me today. I will say a prayer for you today too. You will have good days and sad days. I think of my K everyday:)
ReplyDeleteI think that you said it perfectly when you said you are struggling to find that "new normal". There is a great book by Carol Kent called A New Kind of Normal. It is a follow up book to her book When I Lay My Isaac Down. If you can, read them both, starting with the Izaac book. It really lays the foundation for the second book. Praying for you and Daniel every day.
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