A Blue Kind of Day

I knew it was coming. I knew I was going to have a day like this sometime, it has been awhile. But I am never prepared when they do come. Although I am grateful that they are a lot more farther in between these days it just seems like a step in the wrong direction every time. I am just kind of there all over again.  I don't know why, I went to bed last night with the feelings starting to stir inside me. Although I sleep I woke up exhausted and like I had been fighting all night. I was just drained. I still feel that way as I sit here typing this, with tears streaming down my face. I just don't understand why.  I don't know why this has to happen. Why we have to face this the rest of our lives, some days it just seems like too much to bare.  I am permanently the mother who lost a child and that is so hard to swallow on days like today.  I am sure the gloomy weather outside doesn't help with the feelings either. The outside matches my insides once again, and once again I am left wondering if we are ever going to see daylight again. 

I know we will. I know we are going to get through this and it woulnd't be so hard but I hate days like this. I can't help but cry and want to just curl up in bed and stay there all day. I just have no energy or motivation to do anything.  Even Kolby feels it he has been sleeping all day but wouldn't leave my side to do it. Laying on the floor at my feet snoring as I am typing. It has effected us all and the pain is just so raw yet again.  I miss my baby!! 

As the day goes on it gets hard to deal with. It is just one of those days.  I know one day we will be able to get past all this, i sure hope anyways. At least these days arn't as close together and I can at least cope most of the time but on days like today there is nothing better for me to do than lying in bed with Kolby by myside and cry. Knowing that tomorrow will be a new and better day and slowly I will get out of this slump and eventually be out of this constant sorrow I feel.  One day I get to see her again if only that one day where today...