Scorched Places

"And the Lord will continually guide you; and satisfy your desire in scorched places..." Isaiah 58:11

I found my journal today.  The one that I have been looking for, the one I started writing in about a year ago. I am so glad I did that now. Although at the time that was all I could do just write down what I was feeling and how things were going but today I can look back on it and know exactly where I was and what I was feeling when I wrote it all down.  It has brought me some comfort knowing I can look back and see the progress I have made. Although it is extremely hard to read it is still good to have. I had decided I wanted to start writing in it again. So when I found it I was excited. I opened it up and the last entry I wrote was right before I went back to work this summer. I had started writing in it again after the Lord had opened this job up. I was feeling all sorts of feelings and had to write what I was feeling to sort through them all.  As I stood there reading the entry, tears started streaming down my face.  I can't explain the pain that I still feel. The emptiness and loneliness that sometimes comes when I am alone in the house that we were all suppose to share together. It is hard.  But at the top of the page in purple ink was this verse.  I read it and got to thinking.

This verse is very fitting right now.  He has and will continue to guide us through these times.  Our hearts are broken and scorched.  But He is going to be there, He is going to guide us and He is going to get us through yet again.  Just like He did this weekend.

Halloween, it isn't that big of a deal not a major holiday that will cause me grief and pain right?  That is what I keep telling myself the past week.  Until the day came and then the answer was reviled.  It was a big deal.  We didn't have our Addy to dress up. We weren't going to get to go to the church harvest party with a cute little pumpkin bucket and dressed up.  All those dreams I had a year ago, sitting at our party with her kicking inside, all that wasn't going to take place.  I woke up heartbroken Saturday morning. I didn't want to get out of bed didn't want to face the day or the events that were going to take place, i couldn't do it.  As I lay there clinging to Addy's blanket crying I just started praying, praying God would help me.  That He would plan my day so I didn't have to. He would give me a reason to get out of bed and face the day, because I couldn't and didn't want to do it with out Him.  Still grieving I got up and decided to work on some projects maybe try to take my mind off of the pain in my heart.  As I did a peace came over me, I can't explain it but He just calmed my heart and mind and allowed me to focus on other things. 

Pretty soon my phone rings, its Daniel,  he proceeded to tell me that after he gets off work we are headed to Oklahoma City.  Why? We hadn't planed a trip we have no reason to go down there. We are going next week for Addy's birthday why go this weekend? As I question he tells me.  A customer had come in to his shop and had asked him if he wanted to go to the OU game that night. He had tickets and wasn't going to use them needed someone that would use them and go. Since most of the people he knew had kids and Halloween plans that night he wasn't finding anyone that wanted them.  God decided we needed them:)

After hanging up the phone and making a last minuet hotel reservation I am suddenly hit with the thought,  God did this for us.  He placed all this into motion on a day that getting out of bed seemed impossible, God is planning our day just like I asked him too.  It was something I can't describe. To most it wouldn't be seen as a God thing but to me it was a clear sign that God is and will continue to guide us even on these hard days. 

We had a good time a good weekend and a great drive down just worshiping and thanking God for what He was and is doing for us during this time. It has been hard the closer her birthday comes. But I know that God is going to get us through that and the days around it just like He did this weekend. He is going to comfort us and show us His love and support even on the days we don't know what we are going to do. He is going to be there He is going to guide us and I am convinced He is going to show us the joy after the sorrow.  Its coming and I am getting prepared for it. He promised it and I am looking forward to all the happiness He has in store for us, because its coming!!