Another day...

Another day, another set of difficult moments, at least for now.  It has been a rough day. Starting when I walked through the door at work.  I got news that a girl from another department had ended up having her baby last night and she named her Madison June. Of course not knowing what they where talking about I heard that name and had to stop a moment. Did they just say what I was thinking they said? After further conversations it was confirmed that was this new baby’s name.  Really how much closer than that can you get to my little girls name? That was hard part number one. I had to excuse myself and go out side for a moment afraid that the emotions that I was feeling and that were written across my face, I am sure, weren’t going to pose as s problem.  After my sudden leaving and returning with tear stained face I decided I wasn’t going to let this bother me all day I was determined. 

 

A few hours later after forgetting about that incident for the time being, only due to Gods help, round two hit.  I was sitting there minding my own business when a couple came in with two small children. They sit down directly across from me in my line of sight and are doing there business. I hear the man tell the lady waiting on them the smallest of the two boys was going to be a year in a month and a day.  Only a few days after my Addy.  After hearing this I can’t help but try to avoid all sight of them.  I couldn’t get that kid out of my sight. I deiced I am not going to let it get to me I am going to not cry. But as I sit there with nothing in between me and this child I realize I can’t do this. I had to again exit for a few minuets until the couple had safely left my line of sight.  I just got caught off guard and didn’t know what to do.   

 

After the two events of my morning have came and went I realize I have a lot of healing still left to do. I didn’t think we were that far off, I figured I had to be getting closer to seeing the light and moving on in a positive way with what we have been left to live with. But again I am wrong. Again I realize without God there is no way I could or would have made it as far as I have. I would be even more of a crazy than I already am.  Its only through the strength that God has given to us that lets us get through these moments and move on to the next.  I am convinced that once Addy’s birthday is over with, once this milestone has come and gone maybe things will get back to normal. I realize I will always be the grieving mother but that doesn’t mean I have to let it run my life. I will always have these moments and when the world around me is oblivious to anything that might be happening inside my life God isn’t. He knows and He reaches down and picks me up when I can’t do it myself. He is the one that holds me and I can’t forget that ever. Because without Him holding me I wouldn’t be able to do this another day.  Thank God that we have Him to hold us in these times!!!