The Bears

I am amazed at how God is working in our lives for the better. I knew better things were coming and it might just be something small but I am excited about it.   I have been wanting to start something, do something just wanted to help others who have gone through what I have gone through. I know there are a bunch out there and I wanted to help in some way.  The last blog I posted a friend commented with a link to another lady that has lost her baby and she is blogging like I have to help her through it. Thank you so much Verla for that, you started it all:) 

One night last week we were having a hard night. Just missing Addy the both of us and we were lying in bed holding each other crying and Daniel tells me that he saw a comment on our blog and proceeded to tell me that it had a link to another blog.  He said he went on it just to check it out and the blog post was about a bear the writer had received. It was weighted bear the same weight of her lost baby and she had just received it.  He told me he was ordering us one.  Curious about it all I had to go online and look it all up the next day to see what it was about.  That was when I was first introduced to Molly Bears. 

Molly Bears is a organization a women started after she lost her infant daughter. The story is really touching and hit pretty close to home. She was given a weighted bear after her loss and decided she was going to start making them for other Mom's who have lost their baby's.  She makes bears and sends them to grieving mothers.  It gives mothers something to hold and I understand the importance of that.  I have struggle to find something that would sooth the aching in my arms and nothing had worked.  As I researched it more I went and looked at the waiting list.  She has over 300 bears in waiting and she is the only one working on this project. She does it completely out of pocket with no expense to the recipeints. I was amazed and touched that someone had found the right thing to do.  After a quick look I was out the door to work.  I couldn't stop thinking about this though.  The thought of it all just overwhelmed me. As the day drug on I found myself thinking more and more about it and that was when I did it.  I emailed the lady and althought at the time I felt silly and unsure of how it came across I just knew I had to do something to help her.


After I sent the email I was scared at how it would be taken. I mean most people don't email strangers and ask to help them. I started to doubt my actions but as I prayed for God to be in the situation and for His will to take over I felt a sudden calmness. I understood that God was in it all and that He was going to give me the response I was waiting for. Sure enough I got an email back and she was eager for the help.  I am so excited!! I am going to be helping her make the insides of the bears, the weighted parts. I am ready and excited to do it. I am just amazed at how God put all those pieces together and put me in the path and place to help someone do something for other Mom's like me.  I know it sounds silly to be excited about it but I am.  I am ready to help get these bears out to other Mom's and to know I had a hand it will be more rewarding than anything. 

Happy Birthday Baby!!!

Would you dare to believe, that you still have a reason to sing,
cause the pain you've been feeling, can't compare to the joy that coming-Josh Wilson

I downloaded this song a few weeks ago. Forgot about it and was searching through my music and found it.  How appropriate that I forgot about it right? I am sure that was God holding it for me for the perfect time to share it again.  He is good at that you know, having the perfect time to share things with us.  He has been doing a lot of that the past week and every time it happens I am in shock yet again at what He is doing for us. It is amazing.

We are headed to the city today to celebrate Addy's 1st birthday. Hard to believe its been a year ago since the precious little girl was born. Even though she isn't here with us it still is a good day. We will share the sadness and tears for the separation we are feeling. But we know like the song said we are going to have joy again. A great joy that wouldn't compare to the pain that we have dealt with the last year. We are going to be able to hold her again and that is the hope and the promise I am looking forward to.

It is now Tuesday and a lot has been done since that last start...I never got around to publishing it:)  We did go to the city had a weekend of events and shopping ahead of us to try to get through Addy's birthday. It was a good day. We had our moments and our times of tears but we also shared some good times too.  We went to dinner the movies and just hung out together and talked about our sweet little girl we miss so much.  I think this past week gave us a chance to focus on the future now. It has been so hard to do that with all the pain still throbbing of the loss. But as time goes by the throbbing is starting to ease and God is getting us ready and prepared for His big plans. I am not sure what He has in store but I know it is going to be good. Something to rejoice and have great celebration over. To have joy again is going to be the best gift possible.

I am amazed yet again at how God loves us so much He will just hold us in the dark times and He prepares for the good stuff. He already knows what is coming and someday we will look back and be even more amazed at how He has used this time to allow us to grow. It has been a rough year a rough time, I still miss her like the day she left but I can think about her without crying for a whole day so that is a good start. 

We are just looking forward to the next step the next road God is going to lead us down. I am sure it will surpass anything we can imagine.  We are just so truly blessed to have such wonderful family and friends that have filled our hearts with love and prayers these past few weeks and throughout the year. It has been a great strength for both of us to know that we have people that care enough to remember our little girl with us. To all of you I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart.  The support you have show to us truly is a reflection of Gods heart and without it this journey would have been unbearable at times.  So for all our family and friends who have stuck by us thank you it means more than you can ever know. 

Lets get ready for that joy!!!

Band-aids

He heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds.
   --Psalm 147:3, NLT

 God is showing us His strength today.  After  a fairly hard weekend and a week that I have been dreading the arrival of for awhile now, He shows us this verse.  I got ready to sit down and write in my journal I always start the entries off with a verse and after praying a quick prayer that God would show me the right thing today I started searching. After reading a few stories I haven't ever really read before I couldn't help but feel like I was just off the mark today. I just wasn't finding what I was looking for. So I pull out my concordance and start looking through that. Still not anything that just seems right.  I then decide to give it a break. I write in my journal anyways and then pray and decided to go about my day. I decide to check my email and as I open it a message pops up in my inbox from my Mom. A simple and short email with this verse attached to it. It was KLoves encouraging word for the day. As I open it and read it the tears start to flow again.  God is talking to us right now and He is showing us what we need to see. 

Not only is He here for us but He is putting bandages on our wounds. He is fixing us up to get ready to get back out there bandaged and ready to go.  As I think about this verse and how much it means to me not just the way I have been given it today but also the way the words are speaking to us directly I got to think about how appropriate it is.  We are in need of some great big band-aids and God is the only one that has them and is able to fix this hurt.  Funny but Daniel I kind of laughed about something similar yesterday while at church. I noticed that one of the men sitting in front of us had his arm around his wife.  That wasn't what caught me eye though on his finger was a band-aid and not just a plan sticky brown one. No it was a Scobby-Doo one.  I had to laugh and show Daniel. He makes fun of me because the only band-aids I buy are Hello Kitty. The last time Daniel hurt himself and had to wear a Hello Kitty band-aid he thought it was kind of silly.  But I had to show him that the band-aid reflects the family.  After seeing it my way he doesn't complain to wear a Hello Kitty band-aid if it is for his baby girl:)  Anyways that got me to thinking I wonder what Gods band-aid design is?

I like to think He has one especially designed for us. One that can only fix this probably His way. One that He created for me to heal me the only way that He can. I like to know that I am that special that I get a designer one of a kind band-aid from God.  I want mine to be purple please:) How special is it that He is not only in the business of holding us when we are hurt but He also applies our band-aids and get us back on our feet again with His love.  I think in a way He is telling us that we are going to be better. The healing is starting to hold and we are going to be able to move on.  We might have to walk around with a band-aid on for awhile but that is better than having a exposed wounded. He is showing us that we are getting near to happy times and better things. We have walked through this with Him and He isn't going to let go now.  So with that I will wear my purple one of a kind God band-aid with pride and know that He is the one fixing me even when it feels like it can't be done.  He can and is doing it.  

Scorched Places

"And the Lord will continually guide you; and satisfy your desire in scorched places..." Isaiah 58:11

I found my journal today.  The one that I have been looking for, the one I started writing in about a year ago. I am so glad I did that now. Although at the time that was all I could do just write down what I was feeling and how things were going but today I can look back on it and know exactly where I was and what I was feeling when I wrote it all down.  It has brought me some comfort knowing I can look back and see the progress I have made. Although it is extremely hard to read it is still good to have. I had decided I wanted to start writing in it again. So when I found it I was excited. I opened it up and the last entry I wrote was right before I went back to work this summer. I had started writing in it again after the Lord had opened this job up. I was feeling all sorts of feelings and had to write what I was feeling to sort through them all.  As I stood there reading the entry, tears started streaming down my face.  I can't explain the pain that I still feel. The emptiness and loneliness that sometimes comes when I am alone in the house that we were all suppose to share together. It is hard.  But at the top of the page in purple ink was this verse.  I read it and got to thinking.

This verse is very fitting right now.  He has and will continue to guide us through these times.  Our hearts are broken and scorched.  But He is going to be there, He is going to guide us and He is going to get us through yet again.  Just like He did this weekend.

Halloween, it isn't that big of a deal not a major holiday that will cause me grief and pain right?  That is what I keep telling myself the past week.  Until the day came and then the answer was reviled.  It was a big deal.  We didn't have our Addy to dress up. We weren't going to get to go to the church harvest party with a cute little pumpkin bucket and dressed up.  All those dreams I had a year ago, sitting at our party with her kicking inside, all that wasn't going to take place.  I woke up heartbroken Saturday morning. I didn't want to get out of bed didn't want to face the day or the events that were going to take place, i couldn't do it.  As I lay there clinging to Addy's blanket crying I just started praying, praying God would help me.  That He would plan my day so I didn't have to. He would give me a reason to get out of bed and face the day, because I couldn't and didn't want to do it with out Him.  Still grieving I got up and decided to work on some projects maybe try to take my mind off of the pain in my heart.  As I did a peace came over me, I can't explain it but He just calmed my heart and mind and allowed me to focus on other things. 

Pretty soon my phone rings, its Daniel,  he proceeded to tell me that after he gets off work we are headed to Oklahoma City.  Why? We hadn't planed a trip we have no reason to go down there. We are going next week for Addy's birthday why go this weekend? As I question he tells me.  A customer had come in to his shop and had asked him if he wanted to go to the OU game that night. He had tickets and wasn't going to use them needed someone that would use them and go. Since most of the people he knew had kids and Halloween plans that night he wasn't finding anyone that wanted them.  God decided we needed them:)

After hanging up the phone and making a last minuet hotel reservation I am suddenly hit with the thought,  God did this for us.  He placed all this into motion on a day that getting out of bed seemed impossible, God is planning our day just like I asked him too.  It was something I can't describe. To most it wouldn't be seen as a God thing but to me it was a clear sign that God is and will continue to guide us even on these hard days. 

We had a good time a good weekend and a great drive down just worshiping and thanking God for what He was and is doing for us during this time. It has been hard the closer her birthday comes. But I know that God is going to get us through that and the days around it just like He did this weekend. He is going to comfort us and show us His love and support even on the days we don't know what we are going to do. He is going to be there He is going to guide us and I am convinced He is going to show us the joy after the sorrow.  Its coming and I am getting prepared for it. He promised it and I am looking forward to all the happiness He has in store for us, because its coming!!