The Why's that Haunt Me

I lay my “whys?” before your cross,

In worship kneeling,

my mind beyond all hope,

my heart beyond all feeling,

and worshiping,

realizing that I in knowing you,

don’t need a “why”.

---- Ruth Bell Graham

 

Why?  I have a million of questions running through my mind and can’t grasp an answer to any of them.  That small word seems so crushing and huge right now and it seems to be the question I keep returning to on my journey through these times.  I don’t understand most of what is happening in my life.  I feel like I am walking blindly in the dark and have no direct guidance to where I am going I am just walking.  I have faith I understand that He is guiding me. He is leading me to the places I am going. He is leading me on this journey but the uncertainty of it all seem so overwhelming right now.  I just don’t know if I can handle much more.  The waiting is the hardest.  The long journey we have been on seems to only be accompanied by a stretch of waiting. 

 

I don’t like the waiting, the wondering if we will ever get to where we want to be. If God’s plans, which I truly believe are best, are that much different than ours that we are just on the wrong page and I just need to hold on.  I just don’t understand and with that lack of knowledge I am feeling like I am drowning in sorrow and grief yet again. 

 

The why’s of it all of life is so hard to grasp sometime I just want to be able to know for sure what the next step is. I guess that is faith not knowing the next step but trusting God does and will be taking it along with me.  I have been studying just random stuff but it all seems to be leading in the same thought.  I just have to trust. Don’t doubt just trust. I am sure that is the message He is sending to me so this is my journey. To trust in these moments. The moments when life doesn’t make sense, when I am in a place and don’t understand why I am here or what I am doing I just need to trust.  I don’t need to know all the details or the whys just trust He knows them and I need to just lean on that to get me through.