More Than A Diet

"You have circled this mountain long enough.  Now turn North." Deuteronomy 2:3

Another week had passed and I once again was searching for a verse to study and place in my heart this week.  I know it is an odd pick and one that only God could have lead me to and give me the guidance on why this verse now at this time.  I have been struggling to lose my Addy weight for a year now. Although this time last year I wasn't succeeding due to the uncontrollable way I eat when I am emotional. I gained more weight after her than I did when I was pregnant with her. It was a hard road to be down and with a wedding and other events I want to be ready for approach I figured I need to give it a valiant effort once again.  So I started on Weight Watchers a month and half ago.  After losing the same 3 pounds about 4 times I decided I need to figure something else out. That was when I came across this book. It is called Made to Crave by Lysa Terkeurst.  I was very leery at first to get it. But after I sampled the book on my Kindle (which I love) I had to give it a try.  So I downloaded it and started reading it.

I must say it is has gone beyond my expectations it is pretty good and it actually gives Biblical implications and examples that helps me see it through a totally new light.  I don't feel shamed into this journey but see it as given God yet another piece of my life that I felt like I need to control.  It has helped me see things in a different light.  But anyways something I was reading in it yesterday got my attention and I couldn't get it out of my head.  She was talking about how we get stuck in these ruts of eating. In these bad habits and when we give up or have a bad day or just don't feel like struggling with it all anymore we revert to the old bad habits and end up back at the starting gate. I have done this many times in my life and get frustrated more and more when I wind back in the same spot.  Anyways she talks about this verse and how it can bring on a new way of looking at this struggle.

The verse was a statement from God to the children of Israel. After wandering for 40 years in the desert with out crossing into the promised land He tells them they need to stop all the games and all the wondering and just rely on Him and He even gives the proper time line, NOW.  As I look at this verse I am reminded of all the times I stand at the pantry door looking for something to take this pain away. Something to fill this void something just to sooth the ever so strong ache in my life. Something to sooth these aching, longing arms.  But I am looking at this and realize I am not going to find it in there.  No matter how hard i try.  I might find something that soothes for a moment but that is all. If I can learn to look to God at those times than maybe I can be filled for longer than any food will fill me with.  And along the way I will gain a closer stronger relationship with My Lord. What an amazing thought.  So here I go on another adventure. Although some how I think the effects of it are going to be far more life changing than just the way I eat.

Are We There Yet?

I can't help but find myself asking this question constantly to God. Are we at the spot you want us to be, the spot where we finally get to have a baby to hold and love?  So far I have been faced with the answer I haven't wanted to hear.  I want to be so close I want God to tell us it is Our time to be parents. Our turn.  But yet again I am reminded that His plans are better than ours. His timing is far greater than mine and I have to wait for that time to be right.  I don't like that part, the waiting it is so hard at times. I just want my baby to hold. I just want my Addy here to share life with.

I have been thinking about it a lot lately and realized I have defined myself as a grieving mother who desperately wants a baby to hold and to keep. But also a grieving mother who is learn to let go of things and let God take them out of my hands and into His.  That is a hard and tough lesson to learn and hard way to see myself but so much I have done in the last year and 3 months to the day has defined me as a mother that desperately wants her baby to be here with her.  I have come to realize though in the last few weeks that I need to make a change. I need to stop seeing myself and defining myself as only that. When I do that I am not just putting myself in this box but also God.  He is a part of me and He is grieving with me but that doesn't have to define who and what we are. 


So on that note I decided a few weeks ago to start memorizing a verse a week. That can't be that hard right? I have a whole 7 days to remember it and then move on to the next truth God has for me. It has been pretty amazing even in this short amount of time as to what God has lead me to learn. Look at my first 3 verses and tell me there isn't a pattern, something God is trying to scream to me obviously. 

Week 1

The Lord will work out His plan for my life. For your faithful love, oh Lord, endures forever. Don't give up on me for you have made me.
Psalm 138:8

Week 2

Indeed, the Lord will give what is good, and your land will yield its produce. 
Psalm 85:12

Week 3

And my God will supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus. 
Philippians 4:19

Some good verses that God has put in my path the last few weeks. I am going to try to keep this up and post all my verses for the week so that I am some what accountable for them in some way. Maybe that will help me in this journey. It isn't easy but God is teaching me and showing me that He has it all worked out and putting my time lines on His plans doesn't work.