Its been awhile since I last posted, I have been busy like everyone else is this Holiday season. It has been a strange one so far and will only continue to be that way as the days pass by. We don't have much planed for Christmas day. I am kind of enjoying the thought of us relaxing taking our time to enjoy it all together this year. We weren't able to make it to Cali, this year and that breaks my heart. It will be the first year without Addy or my family around and I am already starting to feel the effects it has had on my emotions lately. It has been a whirlwind of emotions lately. I don't know what the next second will hold if I will be the same or some unknown emotion hit me. It has been interesting. I guess that is the grieving process it will always keep you guessing what is going to happen next.
The pain of not having her here this Christmas is hard. I feel like I am away from almost everyone I love and it is so hard to face that reality. Its just been hard. But Christmas Day will come like all the rest do and we will have one more milestone behind us and ready to face a new year with a different set of challenges. I am praying that this year will be a baby year. Although I know having a baby isn't going to replace Addy, I don't want to do that anyways but it will help ease some of the sting of her absence. I was thinking the other day about her and what it would have been like with her here. The toys she would have gotten the excitement of Christmas day, probably more from her dad than her this year anyways:) I just missed it all right then. My arms started to long for her and the feeling is so unreal to want to hold something so bad but not have it to hold. I am so looking forward to the the day I get my bear. That is going to be more of a blessing that I can imagine. I am so thankful that God has directed our path and put us were He has the last few months.
I have been working on the bear project now for a few weeks I have gotten 25 full bear insides made and am working on getting a few more done before the first of the year when I ship them off to be made into bears. I am excited that we are able to do this and even more grateful for the interest and encouragement Daniel has given me through out it all. He might not understand the it all but he has been a huge help to me in getting things set up and encourages me to work on it when sometimes I don't feel like it. It has been a healing tool for us both and God's timing on it was perfect.
This will probably be my last post before the new year. We have a busy week ahead of us. Daniel has eye surgery on Tuesday so an unexpected trip to the city will be a great little break. Then off to work the rest of the week before New Years. I hope all have a happy and safe Christmas!!!
